


Riches for Nicaise

by thishasnomeaning



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8915626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishasnomeaning/pseuds/thishasnomeaning
Summary: A small, cozy house and a garden full of flowers. Travelling to the great cities of the world and beyond, to unknown places. Being called a hero and righteously so. A chest full of treasures. Sapphires – blue. It was a dream.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [afewreelthoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/afewreelthoughts/gifts).



> Nothing explicit, but this is about Nicaise and his life at the court, so canon warnings do apply. I left this open-ended, so it could be read as canon compliant. However, I strongly prefer to read this as leading up to a Nicaise lives AU.
> 
> I hope you like this! Wishing you a happy holiday season :)
> 
> Your secret santa ;)

Nicaise didn’t want to have another older brother. He had had one who died at Marlas – _The common soldier is soon to be forgotten –  Why die a hero’s death if you don’t get a hero’s fame?_  He had another older brother who inherited a farm that was too small to feed two families. His brother’s wife had been with child that year and the year before. Her boys did not live. But Nicaise did. And he grew georgious.

 

 _A small, cozy house and a garden full of flowers. Travelling to the great cities of the world and beyond, to unknown places. Being called a hero and righteously so. A chest full of treasures. Sapphires – blue_. It was a dream.

 

 _Why does he eat our food? Why do you send him to school?_ Nicaise moved his food to the other side of his plate. He wasn’t hungry. _She loves her dead children so much, there’s no love left in her heart for you,_ his brother had said. _She wants me dead_ , Nicaise thought. _She wants me dead._

_The cozy house and the garden. Fame and adventure. Flowers and sapphires and being a hero._ It was a dream. Nicaise knew it would not come true.

If there were riches for Nicaise there was no point in searching for them in the soil of the land that had belonged to his forefathers.

 

When you’re ten years old, you respect the older members of your family. You don’t shout: _It’s not my fault I’m not your dead son. I want to mourn my nephew, too_. You don’t shout: _You’re jealous because I can read and you can’t._ You don’t shout: _I hate you, I hate you, I hate you_.

 

She wanted to hit him. His brother did not let her. When she asked why, his brother didn’t say: _Because he is my brother and I love him._ He said: _I have plans. He must be beautiful._

 

After that, his brother took him on a ride, past the fields of Marlas, beyond the world Nicaise knew. His brother didn’t say goodbye. He said: _Search for your riches_.

 

In his brother’s home Nicaise had been old enough to die. His new home was a palace. On his first day, Nicaise learned that he was old enough to drink wine.

 

He was not old enough not to hurt.

 

Nicaise never had had much of a choice before. Now, he chose what to despise. He despised the people who pitied him. He despised the prince who wanted to be his brother. Nicaise wanted his brothers back. The one who had loved him before he had died and the one who had loved him before he had married. He didn’t want a brother who was like him in a way he had never wanted to be in the first place.

 

And he despised the people who admired him all the same. He despised people. All but the one he needed to cling to to secure his position. He could not afford to despise the regent.

He was lovely. As if he was made for it. As if his life depended on his ability to smile.

_I can pretend that this is for me. That this is love. That this is a kind of love that I want. I just have to believe what he tells me._

 

And then Nicaise woke with a shiver. _But why should I believe a person who’s supposed to care for me?_ He knew the answer: Because his life did depend on his ability to smile. Because he could not afford not to say _please_ and _thank you_.

 

 

Nicaise was showered in gifts. Jewellery, sapphires – things most people would consider to be riches. Before this, Nicaise had never known that these riches would come with a price.

 

_Don’t think about it. Dream._

 

He learned to pretend to be younger out of fear of growing older. And yet he knew he needed to be larger to be able to hurt people the way he wanted to hurt them.

 

_He loves me, he loves me, he loves me. I have forgotten how to hurt. These are my riches._

 

Nicaise wanted to hate Laurent. But at the end of the day, the way they mocked each other felt awfully close to the way Nicaise had mocked his real brothers. It was not hate. Not even close to it.

 

_We are alike, Laurent and I. He knows what it feels like to have lost a brother._

Someone else in that palace, who was nothing like Laurent or Nicaise, had lost an older brother in Marlas as well.

_Play pretend and you will be safe. Play pretend and you will believe to be safe_. _Play pretend until one day, the days of playing pretend will be over._

 

This was his life and it was far from over. He had his wits and he knew that he knew how to survive. He had lost and lost and lost, but that would be over. He had a brother who would not abandon him. And he had riches to come that would not be made of gold or of gem stones.

 

_Play pretend until you forget that you are playing pretend. Play pretend until you believe that this is true._

                                                                                  

Beneath the paint, his face was still his.

 

_I will never grow old enough to give up on hope. I will never grow old enough to die._

And Nicaise lived. Day after day, he lived.

_A small, cozy house and a garden full of flowers. Travelling to the great cities of the world and beyond, to unknown places. Being called a hero and righteously so. Sapphires, freely given away. An empty chest ready to be filled with the riches he would choose for himself. A pain that would fade. If he doesn’t feel like being cheerful he won’t have to be. There’s no need not to cry._ It was a dream.

 

Nicaise would make it come true, no matter what.

 

But first, he would save his brother’s life.


End file.
